Lena has all the flirting game of Noel Shempsky. Scene: Lena tries to “charm” Shirley the Olive-Skinned Queen of the Prisoners (played by steely-faced Irishwoman-by-way-of-San Diego Patrice Donnelly, 5’9”), who is now in possession of the Golden Lighter of Meaning. Cellie seeeeeriously needs to be like, “Bitch, get off my mattress.” Lena and her wet hair just kicking back on the bottom bunk bothers me more than anything else in this episode. (Don’t think about it too hard.) (EDITED TO ADD: Although…if they’d worked in somehow that she’d gotten the lighter back and had it in her possession for the final scene, it may have been even more powerful. ![]() That’s some fan-fucking-tastic Chekhovian yoga when you think about it. Enter the Golden Lighter of Meaning, which will go off in the second act because it’s pronouncedly absent in the third. Scene: the confiscation of her possessions. All this time I’d thought she was just pathetic. Oh! She’s a cunt! She’s very much a cunt. “I’m sorry, your honor, could you repeat that? I couldn’t hear you over my MASSIVE SHOULDER PADS.”Īccording to IMDb, Lena is played by Season Hubley, who was once married to Kurt Russell. ![]() Scene: a courtroom, “Lena” being found guilty of murder in the first. It seems to be maaaaasssively misogynistic, with the “wives peek in from the kitchen” bit and the woman…stripping…behind him? But I maybe it’s all part of the tongue-in-cheek gag? I, uh…y’know what? Let’s just get on with the story. It suffers from some mid-80s TV-as-an-art-form style issues, but even cinematically, they do some things here that filmmakers these days are still fucking up.Īlso, here’s a moment-by-moment recap (low-budget live tweet) of my rewatch.Īlfie’s intro: I…do not understand. Give it a watch, won’t you? Filtered through my acknowledgement that it’s 30 years old, I think holds up well. Knowing (or figuring out) the ending doesn’t spare you the intensity of the experience. Turns out it’s an 80s-tastic reboot of a 1964 episode, and OK, you can maybe-probably guess the terrifying last-second plot twist, but it blew my wee little brain back then, and like any quality scary story, even if it’s predictable, it still bears retelling. One search (“alfred hitchcock tv show buried alive”) and thirty minutes later, here we are. HOLY FUCK HOW DID I NEVER GOOGLE HITCHCOCK. Then today, in the midst of a British comedy-panel podcast binge, someone described this exact story as portrayed in an Alfred Hitchcock show. Lady bribes/tricks him into helping her escape via coffin.African American dude who works in prison’s carpentry department or whatever-ie he makes coffins-needs eye surgery.Prissy rich blonde woman in prison, desperate to escape. ![]() Anthology scary stories TV series (not Twilight Zone).Then I forgot about it for most of my adolescence.īut every once in a while, it pops into my brain, and within the last decade, it seemed like something I should be able to track down, what with the interwebs and all. I have been looking for this little nugget of television for years.Īs a kid, I watched an anthology TV ep that scared the pants off me so well that, even at like age 7 or whatever I was at the time, I passed through terror and came all the way back around to admiring the shit out of the storytelling. Seriously, Lena, put a fucking towel down or something.
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